I'm having internet problems at the moment (i.e. I have no internet), so I'll not be online until Monday, when they swing by the house to install it all.

Make sure to keep an eye on Fox when I'm gone, you know how he gets .

~MTWC

For me starting stories is making the background. I decide on the initial setting and then keep on expanding until I have the basics of the world, I then fill that world with people, countries, dragons (usually ) etc. etc. I then make characters based off of these, both for historical purposes and for the 'story itself'.

The problem of this approach I have found is that I 'started' Weavers May 21st 2005, and I am still working on it over two years later .

~MTWC

Hello again, nice to have you back .

Reposting things from the Old OW is perfectly acceptable, if not encouraged .

~MTWC

Make me grandpa .

~MTWC

Happy birthday you dirty old man you .

~MTWC

Well, this appears to have turned into a mess of a thread ¬¬...


I'm going to have to agree with Fox and J on this one, while I wouldn't call it a bad poem, to me it seems a lot more like a song (whether it makes a good song or not isn't the point, as I've never enjoyed songs written as poetry or vice versa, they are different genres to me and mixing them is difficult when possible).


This, to me, seems like more of a speech, rather than a poem or a song. When reading it I can't seem to find any rythm of sorts, it seems to read very odly when comparing the paragraphs to each other, and it generally just doesn't read at all like a poem to me.


This, like the above, does not seem much like a poem to me, although this seems like more of a stream of consciousness than a speech (which isn't neccassarily a bad thing) but doesn't work as a poem.


This one seems a bit strange to me, but I like what you are trying to do, however I find it hampered by the fact that I can't seem to find a sort of rythm when I read it, it seems a bit choppy rather than smooth or bumpy (as in the rhythm changes without a set pattern I can find).


See my response to the first poem.


It's very hard to touch upon 'love' in poems without it seeming cliché, and while I don't dislike this poem, I think it's ending is rather abrupt, and cuts off what (to me) was a nicely building rythm.  Specifically the last line itself just seems to suddenly stop, which ruined the poem to me.


I find the rhyming in this helps me establish a rythm for the most part, however there are the odd lines that ruin this momentum, specifically there are lines throughout that are shorter/longer than their 'twin' (whatever line rymes with them) which spoils the rythm that was building.


See my response to the third poem.


See my response to the third poem, also, I agree with Fox in that this seems to be more of a news broadcast or some other forum of 'speech' (which isn't to say it isn't good, just not a poem).


This, in my opinion, could be a good poem, however the ryhming scheme seems forced, and doesn't seem to follow a set pattern (it changes each stanza, which makes building up a rythm difficult).

---

And as for this debate about opinions, first of all I need to stress that most of the poems I have written are poems I wrote because I was just wanting to express myself, I wouldn't dream of publishing them, because they are (for one) crap in my own critical eyes, but also because the reason I find good in them at all, is because I know the story behidn them , what I actually meant, what everything hints at, and these are things that readers will not know, unless they know me well.

Yes, the above is my opinion, and Seer Fox, Jazen et al have put forward their opinions, good and bad, but if you are talking about publishing, rather than sharing, and asking for critque rather than appreciation, then you have to accept and understand that people will tear apart your poem, especially as you, afterall, ended your post with this:


~MTWC

Welcome to the literates asylum and be wary of some of the other inmates, Seer Fox in particular is in here for a very good reason .

~MTWC

I really don't know, I've just had to go back home (to my dad's at least) due to the flooding (my house lost it's water yesterday and our electricity is going tomorrow). I got ouyt while I could.

~MTWC

A date further away would allow me to plan around it, so the further away the better. I don't start Uni again until mid-ish September.

I'm not especially fussy, but I can't risk taking a day or two off at the moment, and the fact that Cheltenham (and the local area) has flooded and will likely flood again is really not going to help me getting a job or travelling.

~MTWC

I currently have £30 for food and 2 weeks until I have to give my landlord £160 for rent (of which I have none). I'm afraid I can't afford to take a break at the moment, however much I would like to.

~MTWC

I can't do it on such short notice I'm afraid, I'm still trying to get a job and can't afford to take time off of the job hunting.

~MTWC

Not sure exactly what you're asking, but if it helps 'P.K.R.' as alive and witnesses the events of 'the Raven' and the two (planned) follow up stories (the Harlequin and the Hero), so these stories are penned recently (chronologically speaking). In comparison, all but Uriel's stories take place at least two centuries prior to 'the Raven' (Cúchulainn's even being a few thousand years prior) chronologically speaking. Uriel was given a story within decades simply because of his family's importance.

~MTWC

S/he (no intention of revealing their identity until the end of the story, which as it stands is the third and final 'part' ['the Raven' being the first part]) is more commenting that they are simply not as noticed or simply haven't had a story written about them yet, not that they are not as important.


Just assume everything has been retconned (meaning it's been scrapped and re-written).


Yeah, it was difficult to describe in a short sentance, but the basics is that he suffered from everyone expecting him to be his father's son, rather than himself (his father being a very important figure, not exactly royalty but near it).


Thanks for that, didn't notice it after rewording the beginning. As for the 'but', I just wanted to keep the paragraphs small really, and seperate the 'bad' from the 'good' using the paragraphs.

Thanks for the feedback all.

~MTWC

Since my computer is being a bit buggy I thought I'd put up the prologue, just in case I have to wipe it, and also to see if people like the style of the prologue (which will be repeated for the epilogue and possibly a few 'interludes').

1st Chapter is half written up on paper, but as I said, my computer is on the fritz, so I've been unable to type it up unfortunately.

---

There are times when I look upon this world of ours and despair at our innumerable failures to it, our kin and those not of our kin, and it is at these times that I am upon my darkest thoughts.  For I loose hope: hope for new beginnings and new days, and I loose faith: faith that we can work together as we did a millennia ago to overthrow the oppression we all felt deep in our hearts.

I recall the tragedies of the past; Heylin Istarria, who lived only so he may finally die without failing those who he failed centuries ago; Andras Samael, who was rejected by his two kin because he resembled the other too much; and Uriel, who only ever dared hope he would one day be wanted for him.

But it is at these times I then recall the heroes of the past; Allaidro Istarria I, the first of many Allaidro’s who fought for the security of my people and then others; Baalin Gahroe, the one who ended the Great War that tore Ulei apart only to be exiled by his own kin; and of course Cúchulainn, no doubt the greatest hero of them all, for he asked nothing in return for his great and many sacrifices.

This is not their story though: the Dragonking, the Demon, the Lost, the Phoenix, the Saviour & the Orphan have many a story between them, penned by taleweavers far greater at storytelling than I.  This is the story of the Raven, the story of one who will make the decision that we all must do in our lives: the decision on whether we stand up for those who’s legs cannot support them, whether we ignore them, or whether we stand upon them.

---

I know it's not much, but technology hates me at the moment ¬¬...

~MTWC

I also agree to this (me and you tend to do this anyway afterall Fox ).

I'm also going to siggy it.

~MTWC

All sounds good to me, and I'll hopefully have my computer working for more than 10 minutes at a time soon enough to contribute myself (to one or both of the proposed ideas).

~MTWC

Ovveruled on the language thing, sorry FJ, but I am one of those people who just doesn't agree with the whole 'arse'/'ass' is a swear word thing, nor do I understand how '*'s are supposed to 'censor' jack, everyone knows what has been taken out, so what is the point?


I'll have you know slitting wrists is damn tiring hobby.

As for the button thingy, I'll work on it.

~MTWC

Sounds good, thanks for the work Fox, been busy setteling into my new house and trying to find a job (not as easy as I thought it would be ¬¬). Internet at the house is probably a few weeks away as I have to get a job before I can afford to get internet.

~MTWC

I won't be drinking much, if at all, as I did enough of that on the 14th (celebrated with my Uni mates). We got kicked out of the pub for being too 'rowdy' and I then went on to scream to my hearts content to Funeral for a Friend and other random bands during the alternative night at one of the clubs.

Good times.


I assure you I have no intention of cross dressing in an attempt to attract nerdy teenage boys.

My sights are set entirely upon nerdy lesbian teenage girls .

~MTWC

For those not sure where this is:



~MTWC