See this chick? This is **** Samus Aran.
She ain't out to save no **** earth from **** covenant. She's here to **** MESS YOUR **** UP.
She has a gun FOR A **** ARM. That's how **** serious she is. It shoots balls of PURE POWER. Who the **** else has a gun which shoots **** POWER?! No gun is that awesome. And you think you can handle it?! Then she'll CHARGE the **** beam. HOLY SHITTING DICK NIPPLES she can **** CHARGE her PURE POWER if she gets pissed! That's so sick I just vomited Nevada!
That's not all. It can shoot **** FLAMES. It's a **** FLAMETHROWER, which is ****-hot, because no-one's gun can do that AND be a **** homing LIGHTNING BOLT as well.
HOLY **** A LIGHTENING BOLT. This **** means business. You're gonna get screwed if you mess with her.
Literally. She **** SCREWS THE AIR and flies right into your **** FACE. That **** is wack, yo. You wanna try **** with someone who SCREWS you to death? I sure **** don't.
Oh, you think you still bad? You think you can take that ****? YOU **** MORON, haven't you been listening!? She can fire HOMING LIGHTNING BOLTS. HOLY **** MAN WHAT THE ****!?!
Oh, but that's not all. She ain't just got a lightning / flame gun out and SCREWS the **** AIR. She has MISSLES, man. Not just any missles, but ****
SUPER MISSLES!! JESUS **** ****, SUPER MISSLES!!! That's like having normal missles, but SO MUCH BETTER.
Oh, but two missles are worth one super? You might be right...but that's why she can fire 5 missles...AT THE SAME TIME. Can you imagine that ****?! One missle was bad enough, but now she's just gone and launched FIVE missles right into your **** FACE. That ****'s MESSED UP. It'll all go BLAAAA and you'll be **** GRAAAA when 5 **** homing missles hit you AT THE SAME TIME.
She ain't just got missles, guns and screws though. She can **** TURN INTO A BALL.
WHAT THE ****?!?! A BALL?!?! HOW THE
**** ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT A BALL?! She's rolling around, doin' her ball ****, and while you're trying to **** HIT her, she's PLANTING **** BOMBS AT YOUR FEET AND BLOWING YOUR LEGS OFF.
**** hell, BALL BOMBS. Who the **** wants to **** off someone who's so badass they turn into a ball and plant **** BOMBS at your feet?!
Not just any bombs, but, if you really want to start messing with her, SUPER BOMBS. SUPER BOMBS?!
ARE YOU **** SHITTING ME?! Weren't the normal bombs awesome enough?!?! Now she has to go ROCK YOUR FACE OFF with bombs that IMPLODE THE UNIVERSE.
And she can do it while ROLLING ON WALLS. How the **** do you beat something as awesome as that?! You **** DON'T, that's how. You stand there like 'Oh where's Samus?' While she drops down from the **** CEILING and plants a **** SPACE VORTEX right in your FACE. Damn ****, that's INSANE ****-good.
Holy ****, Samus is such a badass. Every other character is going to get OWNED in Brawl. No **** contest. Every character EVER is going to get owned. She goes around blowing up PLANETS, defeating entire ARMIES of **** crazy-ass pirates on her own.
That's right, PIRATES. Not even **** Jack Sparrow can beat Samus.
'Oh, but she can't kill what she can't see.' You scream, you wail PATHETICALLY. YOU DUMB ****, there's nowhere you can't go where she can't see you. She has Infra-red, Sonic-detection, X-Ray, and Darkvision. Darkvision? Why all the better to SEE THROUGH THE **** DIMENSIONS my dear! You can't even hide from her in a different **** DIMENSION. You're really screwed now, dickhead! What the **** were you THINKING, taking on someone so
FURIOUSLY AWESOME as Samus?!
"Oh but I've got a fancy AI onboard that-"
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! Samus eats AI for breakfast. She'll just **** SCAN that ****, and she'll BREAK-YOU-DOWN. She'll know JUST where to hit your sorry ass so you cry tears of agony as your AI gets HAXX0RD so she can use the info against you. Samus is THE BEAST, you can't **** withhold anything from THE BEAST.
Oh, oh, you still think you've got a chance? You still think you bad? Can you enter **** HYPERMODE?! NO YOU SHITHEAD YOU CAN'T, IT'S TOO BADASS FOR YOU!! But Samus can. Not **** 'Mode', not even 'SUPER Mode.'
HYPER. God-damn. She can see the **** DUST SWIRL IN THE AIR. That's how mad-**** she can get, and you know you don't wanna mess with someone who can see MICROSCOPIC DUST swirl in the air.
See this?!
Aside from the fact she's SO **** HOT even when injured, she only got a freaking FLESH wounds after her fight. 'Oh she can't be that good then' you cry, but she was fighting
God, Chuck Norris, The Fonz, Optimus Prime and
Mr.T all AT THE SAME **** TIME.
AND SHE BEAT THEM.Face it fag, you'll never be as good as Samus. No fucker will. But you don't need to be better than her. Because you can
BE her.
Buy Metroid Prime Three on the 26th of October, shitheads. It's the only way to be so awesome the UNIVERSE orgasms when you walk upon it.
...
...You don't have a Wii?
GET ONE YOU **** OR KILL YOURSELF. They are the only two ways to repent for your crime.
Ciat,
Seer Fox