pink monkey bird
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oh my my, oh hell yeah
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« on: December 14, 2007, 10:48:03 pm » |
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I forgot to tell you, this is nothing important, that nothing really matters. and history won't change.
I forgot to tell you, we can't change the world. and that all the pain we go through, will mean nothing in the end.
I forgot to tell you, that we will not survive, our memory will fade, and our dreams won't be realised.
but above all this! I forgot to tell you, that though we may well fail...
we will not stop trying!
I'm back, and with grammer, perhaps it's not really me.
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Dream, there is alot to be said for dreams, even if theres is no chance it will come true. There is comfort in the knowledge you can still dream of it. Nothing great was acomplished without detailed planning, no plan was ever drawn up without a dream of an acomplishment. They did not build the apollo rockets until after man dreamed of reaching out and touching the stars. How? How is irrelevant, as long as there is a why, and the why can be simply "I want to!", the how will be worked out later.
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Rincewind
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« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2007, 01:18:45 am » |
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Holy Wick of Strangeness! What a depressing poem! That is all I have to say really. Nothing really wrong with it, apart from the fact it made me contemplate getting the scissors out again and cutting myself out of life. I kid of course, good work... try something happy next time! BUNNIES, LOVE, DANCING, anything but "ITS ALL POINTLESS AHHHH THE VOIIIIIIID"
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Winner of many imaginary awards, including the Nobel Prize for being the first to make a bottomless beer can.
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Lime and Tequila
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« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2007, 02:53:33 am » |
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I like it. A bit uplifting actually. I'd delete the period after world. Probably some other bit of criticism I could add, but it escapes me.
Did I mention I liked it?
Peace,
L&T
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jazen
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A smile costs little but gives much treat sum1 2 1
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« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2007, 11:00:10 am » |
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first letter in a sentance should be capital and don start sentances with and. like the poem though,
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AMERICA here I come, I will be out of the country - and away from internet - for the next 2-3 weeks. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, A story of a thousand words starts with a single thought.
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pink monkey bird
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oh my my, oh hell yeah
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« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2007, 02:30:24 pm » |
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you want ME to do capitals? doesn't happen. And there is nothing wrong with starting a sentence with and. despite what you may have been told, it is language and rues are made to be broken.
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Dream, there is alot to be said for dreams, even if theres is no chance it will come true. There is comfort in the knowledge you can still dream of it. Nothing great was acomplished without detailed planning, no plan was ever drawn up without a dream of an acomplishment. They did not build the apollo rockets until after man dreamed of reaching out and touching the stars. How? How is irrelevant, as long as there is a why, and the why can be simply "I want to!", the how will be worked out later.
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jazen
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A smile costs little but gives much treat sum1 2 1
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« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2007, 08:47:31 pm » |
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I know I know, me getting to the point where i am criticising the little things means that I cant find anything wrong with it (basically just take it as a complement),
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AMERICA here I come, I will be out of the country - and away from internet - for the next 2-3 weeks. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, A story of a thousand words starts with a single thought.
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