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Into Darkness we Step

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Spainops
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« on: January 09, 2008, 11:32:50 pm »

It's just a little something I wrote when I was feeling down and since I saw this here poetry board, I kinda figured, you know, what the heck? Alehop, here we go!

Edited thanks to T.W. Hopefully


Through darkened tunnels
and blackened halls
we travel,
through night’s mist
and hatred’s night
we travel,
never seeing
never hearing
blind, deaf and mute
lost to all and one.

Steps we take
and steps we hear
sounds we hate
and ground we fear
in this darkened tunnel
of eerie feel.

Yet a light shines
can truth be near?
No, wrong times
for happy endings
and soundless ears.

Down we step
once, twice,
down we step
into the ice.

Gone is hope
gone is faith
I cannot cope
with darkness’ face.

Every second I gaze
into mesmerizing haze
never letting go,
never letting go.

Can I resist?
Can I desist?
Not that I can say
for in darkness I must stay.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 12:01:03 am by Spainops » Report Spam   Logged

True power does not reside in the weapon, it resides in the wielder. - Narion Anarte, Phoenix of Narde.

Vengeance is served on a plate of knives. - Neforas, Chosen of Duriel.

I may look human, but that's just because you're blind. - Narion Aarach.

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jazen
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« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2008, 09:51:54 am »

Through darkened tunnels
and blackened halls
we travel,
through night’s mist
and hatred’s night
we travel,
never seeing
never hearing
blind, deaf and mute
lost to all and one.

So far so good

Steps we take
and steps we hear
sounds we hate
and ground we fear
in this darkened tunnel
of eerie feel.

Half expected his verse to end in an ‘ear’ sound, this works though

Yet a light shines
can truth be near?
No, wrong times
for happy endings
and soundless ears.

Soundless ears? I think tears would sound slightly better, but don’t know.

Down we step
once, twice,
down we step
into the ice.

Into? Hmm, onto?

Gone is hope
gone is faith
I cannot cope
with darkness’ face.

This works

Every second I gaze
into mesmerizing haze
never letting go,
never letting go.

Sounds good

Can I resist?
Can I desist?
Not that I can say
for in darkness I must stay.

Good poem, I like it.  Write another one sometime.
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AMERICA here I come,
I will be out of the country - and away from internet - for the next 2-3 weeks.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step,
A story of a thousand words starts with a single thought.
Spainops
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« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2008, 02:40:44 am »


Good poem, I like it.  Write another one sometime.


Why thank you so much, Jazen! I'd like to see so'more of your work up here, too.
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True power does not reside in the weapon, it resides in the wielder. - Narion Anarte, Phoenix of Narde.

Vengeance is served on a plate of knives. - Neforas, Chosen of Duriel.

I may look human, but that's just because you're blind. - Narion Aarach.
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