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A Warning, for this.

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Seer Fox
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« on: March 26, 2008, 11:23:54 pm »

As I say, a warning, though also help, I'm hoping. The following text I'm going to be putting into a novel, but I know that some of the people on this site are somewhat susceptible to relaxation scripts and that's basically what this is, so if you don't want to relax right now, then I advise you don't read this.

Ironically, I also need feedback to make this a more effective relaxation script, so those of you who don't mind reading it, well, feel free to. More than once, if you prefer. Alright. Let's do it.



"You can feel yourself melting.

You probably didn’t notice until I brought it up, but as you sit in your chair, reading and relaxing, you can feel the relaxation start to melt away your tension, your worries. It might be happening quickly, or it might be happening slowly, and while you wonder on how quickly this is happening, you might not even notice how heavy your body is getting, slowly but surely as you just read and drift.
Drifting and reading. You’ve probably started to notice that your feet are relaxing the most, relaxing first, melting, becoming warm and heavy, so relaxed and heavy they quickly become immovable, like a wax mannequin. Really relaxing, as you sit there and melt, the sensation moves up to your legs, melting them slowly, relaxing them, fixing them in place as they become heavy and warm. Immovable, like they are made of a soothing wax.
The sensation moves up into the stomach, relaxing the gut, melt everything into a warm melty wax, just like the heavy, relaxed legs and warm, statue-like feet. Reading and relaxing, the melting sensation spreads up to your chest, relaxing your breathing, making your chest warm and heavy, even as it spreads out into your arms, relaxing them, making them warm and heavy. Relaxed and immobile, melted. You will have realised by this point that the sensation is travelling up your neck, making it warm, heavy, relaxed.
Finally, the pleasant sensation flows into your head, relaxing your face, relaxing your thoughts, making it all melt away into a warm, heavy haze. So warm and relaxing, from head to toe. Letting yourself and your thoughts drift away…

Now wake up, refreshed and alert, and go about your business."




Well, there you go. Don't say you weren't warned, and any tips would be helpful.

Ciat,
Seer Fox
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jazen
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« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2008, 11:55:02 pm »

Good words, right technique, couple of problems,

Length: to short realy as soon as its started its over.

Layout: Its bulky, difficult to read if you are fully relaxed, I found that I had to wake myself up in order to read the words in the right order, and so it lost its effect.

To counter this try doing shorter sentances and starting each set on a new line.

This makes it easier to take in while breathing slowly.

I also find the first line slightly off, though it doesnt cause much of a problem as it is at the very beginning.

I would personally start with the 'as'

Try this




"You can feel yourself melting.

You probably didn’t notice until I brought it up,
 but as you sit in your chair, reading and relaxing,
you can feel the relaxation start to melt away your tension, your worries.

It might be happening quickly, or it might be happening slowly, and (remove the and)
while you wonder on how quickly this is happening, you might not even notice how heavy your body is getting, slowly but surely as you just read and drift.
Drifting and reading.
You’ve probably started to notice that your feet are relaxing the most,
relaxing first, melting, becoming warm and heavy,
 so relaxed and heavy they quickly become immovable, like a wax mannequin.

Really relaxing, as you sit there and melt,
the sensation moves up to your legs, melting them slowly,
relaxing them, fixing them in place as they become heavy and warm.
Immovable, like they are made of a soothing wax.

The sensation moves up into the stomach,
relaxing the gut, melt everything into a warm melty wax,
just like the heavy, relaxed legs and warm, statue-like feet.

Reading and relaxing, the melting sensation spreads up to your chest,
relaxing your breathing,
making your chest warm and heavy,
(remove the even) even as it spreads out into your arms, relaxing them, making them warm and heavy.
Relaxed and immobile, melted.
You will have realised by this point that the sensation is travelling up your neck,
making it warm, heavy, relaxed.

Finally, the pleasant sensation flows into your head,
relaxing your face, relaxing your thoughts,
making it all melt away into a warm, heavy haze.
So warm and relaxing, from head to toe.
Letting yourself and your thoughts drift away…

Now wake up, refreshed and alert, and go about your business."




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A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step,
A story of a thousand words starts with a single thought.
Seer Fox
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« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2008, 12:59:39 am »

Thanking you, jazen. I'll take it into consideration. As you know, all the ones I've done up til now have been just things over MSN, so actually writing a solid chunk of text is pretty new to me.

Ciat,
Seer Fox
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jazen
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« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2008, 10:42:03 pm »

Your Welcome.
A reason the shorter lines work better as well as the ease of reading is likely the fact that on MSN they appear a line at a time, this allows the instruction to be carried out and the next line to appear without the subject having to do anything. However I can see that that effect would be difficult (read impossible) in a written manuscript.
Let me know when the novel is done will you?
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AMERICA here I come,
I will be out of the country - and away from internet - for the next 2-3 weeks.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step,
A story of a thousand words starts with a single thought.
Seer Fox
The Cause of Cancer, Chernobyl and Multiple Orgasms
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« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2008, 02:28:12 am »

Yes, rather difficult, but very possible.

Ciat,
Seer Fox
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