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The Last Homo Sapien - Just an exercise in creative stretching

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Author Topic: The Last Homo Sapien - Just an exercise in creative stretching  (Read 396 times)
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Nomad5
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« on: July 03, 2008, 01:46:38 pm »

Adam watched as the Earth spun. The Sun crept up behind it and cleared his vision with blinding light. It was a sight that first  seen one century ago was still enough to instill a sense of wonder into any human traveling in space. Appropriately, it was a human that would watch the sun grace the earth one last time.

The radio brought Adam back to the present. "Angel One, bombers incoming from the north, stop day dreaming!"

Adam said nothing in reply, bringing his broken flight visor back down to block the sun from searing his eyes. He ignored the cracked shards of the eye piece as it pricked his face, drawing blood. He kicked his thrusters into full burn. In the darkness of space, gun fire lit the void as Humanity fought its last stand. In orbit above the Earth the Mohican fired off into the darkness, its assailants darting away into the shadows. One was too slow and flared with a white brilliance before descending into the atmosphere, a burning orange star.

Horned ships took their time to pick the Mohican down piece by bloody piece as fighters and bombers danced frantic across the hull of the wounded super cruiser.

"Glad you could join the festivities Angel One."
Was that Angel Three he wondered? Did Eve survive? His thoughts scampered as he reached for them and a sudden migraine blocked him from his own head.

Adam coughed in response as blood fought its way out of his throat. Only one thing mattered. One last time, he told himself. Just one last fight. He entered the maelstrom, his fighter screaming as its cracked hull threatened to buckle. He pushed the engines harder.

"Angel One, enemy bomber at 2."

He saw it, revealed by an explosion as one fighter rammed into another, causing both to explode. The bomber soared through the smoke and metal unharmed, and continued to glide through. He bore down on the bomber, both hands clutching the blood slick flight stick. He pulled the trigger.

Auto cannon fire erupted from the front of his fighter, bright red magnesium tracers illuminating the night. The bomber swayed and spun, dancing its way out from under the hail of bullets. Adam kept his own finger down on the trigger. Luckily for him the bomber pilot seemed new and continued on in a straight line.

This should be easy. So why can't I hit it? He wondered.

Perhaps its fate. Another voice offered.

Seconds passed as his ammunition flew aimlessly into space, the counter on his display counting down at a frightening pace. He watched as the bomber, fire trailing from one pointed wing from a lucky shot, let loose with a missile. He watched the bomber swerve away as its payload streaked forward. Another realization hit him like a sledgehammer and he yanked hard on the flight stick, his fighter turning a hard 90 degrees before spiraling away into space.

Moments later, as he sped away from the Mohican he heard the bomb impact with the wounded super cruiser. Voices over the radio went panicked, their volume rising in one last attempt to be heard before it all went quiet. The resulting explosion tore everything apart. Enemy and friendly ships nearby were caught in the Mohican's death throes as its novum reactor went into critical overload. Adam covered his ears as the universe as the humans knew it died.

His fighter held together, by luck or design and was spun into Earth's upper atmosphere. Adam opened his eyes and removed his hands from his ears. The glass canopy over the cockpit had shattered and the flight stick lay at his feet. His fighter threw itself forward as its engines continued to burn.

He gazed up. Above him burning steel filled the void. He watched as an injured enemy ship, similar to a spear in form, headed straight for the sun engines blazing. He could just make out the twisted metal that had once made up its command deck. Gas leaked into space from its mid section, an alien combination of volatiles elements and compounds. It accelerated straight into the sun, piercing the core.

He watched at first as the outside burned, its outer hull peeling away like shed skin. Then he watched with wonder as a ball of fire emerged, ripping its way out of the ship in a birth of fire and steel. It joined with the sun, and for a moment it seemed like the sun swelled to double its size. And then, with a tortured roar no living being would ever hear again, it imploded on itself.

Adam could only stare helplessly as the shock wave, a blaze of red, orange and searing white engulfed the earth. He wondered how many dead. He wondered how many would live. He only needed to watch as his home world was stripped of life, ripped from it as the all consuming fire ravaged and raged across its surface before he had his answer.

He wept as the shock wave continued on, towards his accelerating fighter, his hands gripped around the broken flight stick as he willed himself forward.

*****

Just a short story written in a spur of the moment, comment and critique at will. Remember, the harder you hit, the more I learn  Wink

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Thysetes
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« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2008, 08:45:16 pm »

Very interesting and creative.  I'm not a very good critique, but I enjoyed it and I don't think you missed any mark of what you were going for.  The aliens seem mysterious enough for the short, though I would make a little more mention of how big and the placement of this apparently massive alien ship, as well as giving it some kind of importance, since "an injured enemy ship" of steel that can cause the sun to implode, as well as travel fast enough for a ship already falling into Earth's atmosphere to fully see it collide.  Really good though and a fun read.
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Syphon
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« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2008, 12:47:08 pm »

Not bad at all. Enough to instill some evocation of what Adam is seeing in me, even in the brief time it took me to read it. I agree with Thysetes. If something as huge as the alien ship can still make the sun implode, even when it's injured (I'm assuming damaged, unless it's a living ship), you should probably try to conjure up an image of what an unscathed version could do.
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EightyEight
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« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2008, 06:05:11 pm »

I have to say I liked it overall, but I was sort of in a state of disbelief the whole way through. Though it's written very well, I'm a space nut, so the little critic in my head was jabbering away Wink
The bit that threw me off the most was the sense of scale. The battle seems to be taking place above the Earth, so why is there an enemy ship near the Sun? And how is an enemy ship possibly big enough to make the sun explode? And, given that an enemy ship is that big, how could it be damaged so badly?
Even if these questions are answered in your mind (for example, humans have some equally-big ships that were destroyed previously), they're not answered for the reader. Even though it's just a short story, it's much less satisfying than it could be if questions like these were answered. You do a good job of making the aliens mysterious, but they're just a little too mysterious Wink...

EDIT: Oh yeah, and sound in space Wink Tongue
« Last Edit: August 23, 2008, 10:10:00 pm by EightyEight » Report Spam   Logged

Quote
He who keepeth a secret must keep it a secret that he hath a secret to keep.
-Sir Humphrey

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Only a fool fights fire with fire.
-Me

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The bakerman is laughing 'cause he's rolling in the gold...
-Midnight Oil, Bakerman
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