a piece i wrote trying to makes sense of the idea of "Self worth"

[inbetween mind states]

"Cardboard Boxes"

She exists inside hollow spaces of her mind
in search of words to re write her prewritten existence/
lost in contradicts and concepts of intellect above her own mind
so she bypasses dictionary term definitions until she finds her own blank page/
and then weaves a web to interconnect her knowledge to newly found ideas
only to become entangled in her own thought processes/
to find they have become unwashed glasses filled simultaneously with subjective half truths and half lies/
she hesitates to quench her own thirst with it, pre empting her discontentment/
knowing her perspective will resemble a hazy picture of a nameless figure bidding for her belief/
but uncertainty binds it close to her and faith is a forgotten friend who no longer visits her/

and as time passes she tries to match its face of contentment in routine/
but she becomes weary and finds it still flies even with her attempts to clip its wings/
so she suppresses reality and draws a curtain on her own mind, no longer seeing the beauty in the morning sun, it only greets her with its knowing familiar stuck on smile/
and even with closed eyes it still dawns on her, she need not peer into what the future holds in its steady hands/
and so it knocks and she refuses to open, knowing the sense of hopelessness has been left once more at her door again/

it is then she begins to wonder on notions of self worth, and how hers was built by the words of another and misrepresented ideas placed to fit a frame of someone elses choosing/
so she paints brush strokes and re creates the image based on her own perceptions, with the knowledge the original was sold soley for profit for people to view the world out of a single window view and for all to be presented with the same picture/
she then continues to dismantle words she was built with until she is left only with the internal and is at last faced with the true definition of self/
she is i and i is she , my melancholic mind state i keep at at arms length,and with words i created her and glimpsed the beauty of the light once again/
and as night falls the hallways of my mind i can walk with a torch lit and no longer need to hold in unneccary anxious hands to view the cardboard boxes of suppressed thoughts i placed at the back of my mind.../

By Idris (aka Inbetween Mind States)