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21  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: A Different Sort of Future (WIP)[Update] on: February 15, 2008, 03:37:40 pm
Maybe a better idea to reply to your main thread...
22  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Terminology on: February 14, 2008, 08:45:12 pm
Anthro: common term referring to any artificial machine or program that attempts to recreate human behaviour.

Prowler: the equivalent of a hacker.

Snare: essentially prowlers employed by the government (prominently the CSS on Earth) as counter-hackers.

Stillo: slang contraction of stiletto, a style of malicious program designed by prowlers (not a virus, but sort of similar).
23  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Re: The SaC canon on: February 14, 2008, 08:41:13 pm
Added armour types to Technology.
24  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: The Knight (A short fantasy story) on: February 14, 2008, 08:37:58 pm
Long? It was short enough for me Smiley
Nice job, for something random. The style seems a little scattered - usage of words like 'dude' in a fantasy setting is rather... experimental, I guess Wink.

Arh watched the man simply stay kneeled

Arh and the other one hundred and ten men stood behind the bridge
You can leave out the 'one' here.
25  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / 'Noir' SF on: February 14, 2008, 08:16:19 pm
I have been working on SaC. I have. The problem is, I'm filling it in scene by scene, completely at random. So, while I guess I could post up quite a bit (I'm at 11,000 words), none of it would make any kind of sense. So, no change, really...

I had some ideas for SF shorts when I was in Amsterdam over the weekend. I was so bored that I spent the whole time thinking about what I would do when I got home. No offence to the Dutchies here - Amsterdam's a beautiful city, but I'd been there before, and most of the time was spent trudging around the newer, less beautiful parts.
The ideas I had were based on some wild ideas for SF technology - I believe technology will make the world of the future completely different to what it is now, on so many different levels. Like, mobile phones and the internet would seem if you lived in the 1800s. I tried to imagine some wacky, far-out ideas, and how society would be changed.
This isn't one of my best ideas Tongue... I'm saving those Wink

Anyway, I haven't got a title yet, and I suspect I'm trying to write something in the 'noir' style. That's quite pretentious of me, though, because I've never seen a single film noir or read anything of the sort. It's an educated guess at best, but it sounds nice Tongue. Anyway.


   The body’s head was turned half a circle, so it was staring backwards – into the floor. The left arm was twisted beneath the torso, shoulder dislocated. The right was bent in two, backwards, holding a weapon that was pressed to the corpse’s right shoulder. All that was perfectly normal – what was worrying was the presence of three tiny laser wounds in the front of the chest.
Panjia stood, arms crossed behind her back and a scowl like a Monday morning, as I paced the casualty. Crouching, I had a closer look at the body’s right hand.
   The weapon was a blackjack maser, a Borland 11 make. Powerful enough to kill a person, but only good for three shots or so. Remote detection of the power cell’s emissions revealed that at least two shots had been used. The body, frozen in rigor mortis, still clutched the Borland in a grip that was never destined to fire the weapon. The curve of the small magazine was in the hand’s palm, but the lens pointed downwards, opposite to the thumb, towards the ceiling. A drawing grip – the deceased had been preparing to fire when they were endowed with that description.
   “Strange that he shot it twice, without even pulling it properly,” Panjia commented. She read my mind easily, which I hated.
   “Strange that it was shot twice,” I corrected. No harm in showing why I was senior. I stood up and examined the ceiling. No burn mark – I highly doubted the blackjack had been fired by the body at my feet. “All right, run our usual search. All inside cameras, go back at least forty-eight hours. All exterior cameras for seventy-two. Don’t expect a miracle, though.”
   She nodded and freed her arms to speak into the phone in her palm. I got down again and examined the head. The neck was twisted a hundred and eighty degrees – portacat confirmed that the pans in the upper spine were in perfect working condition. So, no problem there – and all the plumbing had made it intact, as well. The meat of the neck had been replaced by artiflesh, allowing the extreme twist with no disturbing shearing of skin. It was unbroken, but retained its healthy hue, as the rest of the corpse turned cold and pale. Moving up – eyes open, jaw clenched, no marks on the face.
   All in all, our friend was perfectly healthy, except for being dead. Not unusual, but I had come to expect more of criminals. Three laser shots was barely a consideration. The killer was either a level-headed professional, most likely a veteran, or didn’t consider the victim a worthwhile use of their steel knuckles. But such contempt was almost unheard of – I was putting my money on a professional job. Paid to do it clean and quiet. The three wounds were within two inches of each other, and framed the heart neatly. Disturbingly so.
26  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: A Different Sort of Future (WIP) on: February 13, 2008, 08:02:39 pm
Okay, time to stop contributing to the deafening silence around here Tongue

It's an interesting read, for sure. Your title had me expecting some wild SF, to be honest Wink. I can't really tell what it is, though. That's by no means a bad thing; I guess it'll show as you write more. It seems pretty normal, except for your trippy (haven't used that word for ages Wink) writing style and the odd character names (Shadow, Time and the narrator). I'm definately intrigued, as any reader would be having seen this much. Lots of unanswered questions, mostly because of the vagueness of your writing. Again, that's a good thing - as long as you actually do go back and answer these questions.
27  Original Writings / Announcements / Re: Welcome! on: February 07, 2008, 06:22:20 am
Hi! I'm not Kippy!

Anyone who can guess the reference is awesome.

Anyway, welcome to the board.
28  Original Writings / Suggestions, Questions & Comments / Re: Link to a post in a thread on: January 12, 2008, 06:48:25 am
Okay, thanks.
29  Original Writings / Suggestions, Questions & Comments / Link to a post in a thread on: January 10, 2008, 06:21:32 pm
I've just started my SaC Canon thread, and I want to collect an index in the first posts, with links to the posts where I lay out different parts of the setting (history, technology, etc), just to be organised. The thing is, when I put URLs in, the links open in a new window. Is there any way to just make these links take you to a specific post, in the same window?
30  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: Introductions, And a Story to Chew Up on: January 10, 2008, 06:11:47 pm
Ooh, Sildarax, I'm disappointed in you. True, the grammar is usually flawless, but there are a few tricky issues with commas.

“I said,” Pausing to swipe the blood off her cheek. “pay for my drink.”
That full-stop should either be a comma, or you capitalise Pay.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you boys.”
Comma before boys. It's a sort of extra bit on the sentence, adding to it rather than being part of it.

[quoe]... Barroom brawl that’s all.”[/quote]
Again, comma after brawl if you're going for natural flow.

"Come to drag me along into another one of you’re investigations huh?”
That'd be 'your investigations'. And a comma before huh if you're being a true grammar fanatic.

“Dalton mam, junior investigator for the LCPD.”
Usually ma'am is spelt... well, like I just spelt it. Mam is sort of an accented form of mum.

The second half looked fine on the grammar front, I think.

Anyway, boring stuff over. I like the new section - adds to the story nicely, like people have said. I do enjoy your bare-bones way of narrating the events; page-long descriptions of locations and irrelevant history can be boring. But a little more would definately be welcome.
Just something I noticed - you use 'feral' a lot when describing Tammy. Maybe youshould find something else for a few of those instances.
31  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Factions and Organisations on: January 10, 2008, 05:54:21 pm
Jovian Resource Trade Corporation
Created in 2150 by Frederick Haber and the Federation of Earth, this powerful conglomerate commanded a monopoly on hydrogen mining over Jupiter, its centre of operations being the Jovian Hydrogen Refinery. The company retained control over the numerous, smaller independent stations producing hydrogen from Jupiter’s atmosphere until 2202. Their release was forced partly by objections to the JRTC’s monopoly (and in response to this it was nothing more than a token gesture), and partly because of Frederick Haber’s death – a devout Christian, the man disdained to rely on vivaserum to extend his life. On his deathbed, the man instructed the chief of the company, his son Felix Haber, to sign for their independence. He apparently never intended to have a monopoly; his vision was for the JHR to be one of many stations orbiting the planet.

United Off-Earth States

Federation of Earth

Extended United Nations

Russo-Middle-Eastern Treaty

Asia Pact
The Pact was signed in 2080 by several countries in South-East Asia, most notably China, Japan, Malaysia and Singapore. It included most of Asia’s weaker nations, who would receive a large amount of aid and benefits from their stronger neighbours. The Asia Pact was primarily interested in economic development for its signatory nations. Japan and Chinese industries manufactured the majority of the spaceplanes that made early runs to the Moon, and supported Frederick Haber’s scheme to build a hydrogen refinery in orbit over Jupiter. When the Federation of Earth became involved in the Jovian Resource Trade Corporation, it was the Asia Pact’s pleasure to instead focus on monopolising the space transport that allowed the hydrogen to make its way to Earth.
HDIs in many Asia Pact members rose steadily throughout the 22nd century. Several new countries were admitted, but Australia and New Zealand were notably excluded. A kind of ‘development race’ had started with Africa, both continents trying to outdo each other in terms of development indices. While this promoted government policies geared towards bettering everyday life for citizens, some industries began to suffer, and commercialisation in both continents grew rampantly. That trend only slowed after the formation of the CSS and the rapid globalisation of the media and large corporations – instead of having to compete locally, goods and services providers focus their attention on their popularity within the CSS’s economies councils.

Northern European Coalition

Council of Solar States

Commonwealth of Alpha Centauri

Lilac Free State
Numerous times throughout the expansion of the human domain, individuals and groups have attempted to break away from the larger political groups. Forseti was a major site for such expeditions, but all deviations were eventually subdued. The state that was closest to surviving was Peoples’ Forseti, which existed not so much like a country as a political party. It climaxed in a stilted legal battle with the United Off-Earth States, who ended up losing Forseti to the Commonwealth of Alpha Centauri anyway.
The Lilac Free State is the only one of its kind – a free state, a privately owned country. While its title is a misnomer, the LFS does have comparatively few laws that affect its citizens. Combined with a pervasive sensor network, any person who feels ‘wronged’, and can morally justify his position, may take up a case against another citizen. The empirical evidence and moral arguments are examined by an unseen panel of judges, and sentences are usually passed in the form of exile from the State, if a sentence is passed at all.
The State was founded by Marco Vale and Simon Barasvas, a philosopher and an accountant, in 2230, eight months after the first colonisation of Odin. The two heads-of-state live within the LFS, rarely leaving. It is rumoured that the two men comprise the hidden judge panel in its entirety.
The LFS imports and exports few goods; most of its imports are entertainment and luxury goods, as well as the connection to Odin’s worldnet. It maintains large agricultural areas at the expense of the LFS’s leading body. It sells food to its citizens cheaply, and uses the money to sustain public benefits.

North and Central American Unification

Infinity Division

Infinity Warriors
32  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Re: The SaC canon on: January 10, 2008, 05:51:19 pm
Asteroid mining doesn't seem that far-fetched to me. If you can build a space ship to travel to an asteroid, you can definately build one that contains machines that will construct a mine, with or without human aid, via crew in the spaceship or via remote link. Once a mine is established, it could use part of the material it generates to add to itself, with sufficiently advanced machines (and again, human direction).
About the time scale, I'm pretty optimistic when it comes to technological development. I mean, you hear so often that people thirty years ago wouldn't have even dreamed of the Internet, and now it seems so normal. I can't even begin to imagine what sorts of wonders there'll be in thirty years' time, so I go for maximum high-tech futures. It probably means I'll be in a 2001 sort of position when these dates actually roll around, but I view that as being better than having drastically underpredicted advances in technology, like I'm sure many SF settings do.
Of course, not everything is great - I don't know if it shows much in my glossed-over history, but Africa and parts of Asia are only a little better than today. I take the view that the more developed countries today will continue developing rapidly, while the less-developed ones won't - so you end up with a huge gap in development levels. I want to add some stuff about that into the story, so it's not just shiny, utopian space opera.

Expanded the Technology section, fixed a typo in History (Jovian Resource Trade Alliance -> Corporation), updated History with some stuff about the miracle drug (see Technology) and some other stuff (forgot what). Need a new name instead of 'vivaserum'.
33  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: Introductions, And a Story to Chew Up on: January 07, 2008, 04:51:47 pm
It's a nice start. You seem to be imagining an interesting SF world, but I can't really see it, the description is a little... absent. Things like the mass transit could do with a little fleshing-out, unless you're already planning on doing this soon.

34  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: Hey all, and welcome to this story on: January 07, 2008, 04:45:10 pm
All in your own time. I know how hard it is to sit down and write anything worthwhile Tongue.
35  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: Sorry to drop this on you on: January 06, 2008, 11:14:16 am
I can sympethise Tongue
36  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Technology on: January 06, 2008, 07:57:27 am
The corneo is a film like a contact lens that covers a human eyeball. It includes a screen and a receiver, allowing it to overlay images onto the person's vision. It is used in combination with an implant processor.

Implant processor:
Implant processors are tiny computers secreted within a person's body, often around the top of the spine. The processor usually taps into a person's nervous system for input - so instead of using a mouse or keyboard, the person moves their fingers, and the nerve signals are interpreted as commands to the processor.

Computing is generally divided into three fields: classical, quantum, and biological. Classical computers work similarly to early 21st century computers, but usually incorporating carbon-based internal communication. Quantum computing is based around ‘cores’ – assemblages of molecules that act in the same way as any file, program, or memory-using structure in classical computing. These cores are sometimes used as stored documents (somewhat unreliably), but primarily as keys, simple algorithms, or as part of a larger ‘pile’ that makes use of many different cores, and often includes a classical processor. Biocomputing uses DNA and natural chemical reactions to process a problem. It is by far the slowest of all three systems, but cam produce answers to far more complex problems, as well as interfacing with living organisms in a way that no other devices can.

The ‘life potion’ was first produced in 2136 by an American/Japanese research team. The drug was found to extend the human lifetime if taken regularly, slowing the ageing process if supplemented by a strong diet. The age limit seems to be around 250 years. The drug is administered monthly at the start of treatment, but to prolong ageing as the subject becomes older, more frequent dosage is required. The oldest ever human to live off vivaserum died at 288 years of age, spending his last few weeks in care, with a drip constantly feeding him the fluid drug. Experiments on younger patients revealed that the drug could retard mental development if administered to a human too young – despite outcries from the public and several governments, the ‘safe age’ was determined to be around nineteen or twenty years of age.

Body armour:
The body armour worn by police and the SCRA is divided into two main categories – rigid and fluid. Fluid armour is worn as cloth, but hardens into ridged plates when under the influence of certain electromagnetic fields. The armour’s processor is responsible for detecting incoming projectiles and creating the necessary magnetic forces. Rigid armour is similar to modern-day ballistic armour, simply providing a layer of hard material to stop projectiles. The plates are not fully rigid, however – there is a built-in amount of flexibility and damping to spread the area of impact, as well as a Faraday circuit to channel electricity and heat into the armour’s capacitors, or an external energy dump mechanism.

Maverick armour:
Developed for the use of the STaSIs on Odin. This armour is far bulkier and heavier than normal body armour, but it provides immensely greater protection and enhancement. The rigid plate layers of armour are kineactive, changing with the wearer’s motions to allow extreme freedom of movement. They also provide a Faraday cage and heat-channelling capabilities. Finally, a primitive ‘disruption field’ controlled by the armour’s processor creates electromagnetic ‘noise’ that interferes with energy weapons aimed near the suit, giving greater protection against lasers/masers and other energy-based weaponry. Underneath the outer plate is a layer of artificial muscle tissue, made from enhanced cardiac cells and nanofibre. In tandem with a magnetic force channel, the ‘muscles’ can double a wearer’s arm strength, similarly spine and lower body strength. The legs receive the most enhancement, allowing a faster running speed. The innermost layer of armour is similar to the fluid armour worn by the SCRA – overlapping, skin-tight layers of carbon cloth.
37  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / Characters on: January 06, 2008, 07:47:45 am
Quick list:

The Hellcats:
Harrison Tailor
Steven Vance (squad leader)
Erik van Moeren
Colin Farrell
Valerie Parson

Infinity Warriors:
Peter Connor (founder, leader)
Simon Frost (second in charge)
Kodahiro (quartermaster)
Hendricks (pilot)
Terry Rowland (relations with JRTC)
Robert Russell (head of militia)

Odin Biological Survey:
Emily Torres (director)

Council of Solar States (CSS):
Alan Boyle (president, representative of FoE)
Madeline Maguire (previous president, representative of UOES)
Douglass Inker (representative of JRTC)
Jacques Trioste (representative of NEC)
Bendiks Poliakow (representative of RMET)
Du Liqiu (representative of AP)
Jkar Henri (representative of EUN)

CSS Military Advisory council:
Constintin Adrienne (Admiral or Solar Fleet)
Charles Abrahams (Admiral of Solar Fleet)
Bolov Forrester (Admiral of Solar Fleet)
William Toorak (Sky Marshal of Air Corps)
Brad Heinemann (Sky Marshal of Air Corps)
Paul Denholm (representative of SCRAD)
Marika Tokogi (representative of CSS, aide to Alan Boyle)

Commonwealth of Alpha Centauri (CAC):
Xavier Carollo (president)
Gregor Jen (aide to president)

Long list:

Name: Harrison Tailor
Date of birth: …
Place of birth: Lunar One
Physical: Slightly built, owing to Lunar birth. Under average height. Light/fair hair. Dark skin (Odin tan). Thin face, brown eyes slightly spaced out.
As the story opens: Part of the Hellcats, an SCRA squad based in New York.

Name: Peter Connor
Date of birth: July 4, [year]
Place of birth: Dublin
Physical: Quite tall, broad shoulders. Very short brown hair. Blue eyes. Odin tan.
As the story opens: Head of the Infinity Warriors on Odin.

Name: Emily Torres
Date of birth: …
Place of birth: Taiwan
Physical: Oriental skin/features. Taller than Harrison, but not tall. Blue eyes (oddly enough).
As the story opens: Leading one of the CAC’s biological survey groups on Odin.
38  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / History/background on: January 06, 2008, 07:38:18 am
The huge growth of the world’s population in the late twentieth/early twenty-first century continued unabated until the African population crisis. Birth and death rates were exceedingly high, and extreme poverty was the norm in most of Africa. Sub-Saharan countries were the worst affected, but huge shanties grew around cities in the north as well. In 2039, the war between cultural groups in south-eastern African provinces, unaffected by attempted UN intervention, was defused by a Chinese military incursion. China began to take a large role in the rebuilding and modernisation of most of sub-Saharan Africa, a continuing policy.
The American president King, who took office in 2028, began a massive effort to turn around the effects of population growth and global warming. His first four years of office were known as the ‘King years’, which saw a large reduction of atmospheric pollution in several first-world countries, most notably the USA and China. Though his attempted conversion of first-world countries to a hydrogen economy was successful in part, his policies in Africa and Asia, aimed at reducing population growth, were less successful.
Additional strategies focused on allowing more efficient use of space in the world. ‘Harsh climate habitation’ programs allowed humans to live in the northern regions of Russia, Canada and Greenland comfortably, and similar efforts allowed the colonisation of central Australia and the Sahara. Areas of high mountains or plateaus, notably the Andes and Himalayas, were also populated.
Shortly after the creation of the North and Central American Unification in 2067, the world’s first fusion power generator was commissioned. Shortly after, India and China began a joint program to manufacture the functional components of fusion generators, many of which were used in a renewed effort by China to fully modernise central Africa. The demand for fusion power skyrocketing, a Russian firm created the ‘oceanmining’ plant, a small factory suspended in water that produced hydrogen from the water. These plants were installed globally, and fusion power became the most widely used resource in the world.
As the African unions started to invest in fusion power, leveraging the energy to develop their countries, China’s involvement in the region began to fall off, and relations between Africa and Asia grew cool. South-east Asia had failed to see the same boom in development as Africa, many countries still remaining sharply divided between a rich elite and an impoverished working class. The Asia Pact was formed in 2080 between many Asian countries, most notably China and Japan, two industrial powerhouses.
Permanent lunar colonies for habitation were first established in 2081, followed by automatic ore mines on several asteroids the next year. The lunar colonies were primarily tasked with building suitable habitation areas for people to live permanently and independently of Earth. The international program, funded by the UN, was a moderate success, but it was found to scale poorly for larger numbers of people. The creation of the first biologically-integrated computer in 2091 actually allowed feasible creation of a large moon colony by drastically increasing the efficiency and yield of low-gravity hydroponics. The first lunar city, diplomatically christened Lunar One, was opened in 2109. Settlers were transported on specialised spaceplanes, designed to facilitate a one-way trip to the moon and then be discarded. A colony was established on Mars in 2115, and the moon Demios was mined for raw materials. A disaster in the mine’s power network destroyed the moon, raining debris on the planet and creating huge dust storms which heavily damaged the new settlement. Surviving colonists perished before aid could reach Mars. The New Life colony on Mars was established in 2157.
Throughout the twenty-second century, humans expanded to fill the solar system. Fusion-powered spaceflight allowed relatively fast travel, cutting the time between Earth and Mars to a week at the minimum. When it became necessary to distinguish between Earth and her Solar colonies, the colonies were created as states within the UN, which was restructured as the Extended United Nations. Under the direction of the EUN, nations on Earth formed the Federation of Earth, a mutual trade and economic alliance, in 2132. Numerous countries, including much of northern Europe, while unable to resist the merge, avoided it by creating their own unions of states. From this scramble, the Northern European Coalition and the Russo-Middle-Eastern Treaty were created. These separatists retained their own currencies, as well as escaping the control the EUN imposed on legal affairs within the states of the FoE. Also created was the United Off-Earth States, a rebellion against EUN control on the part of the extraterrestrial colonies.
The human domain was rocked by news of the vivaserum, developed by American and Japanese researchers in 2136. The ‘miracle drug’ could prolong the human lifespan, increasing longevity to almost 250 years. The Federation of Earth was first to lay claim to the discovery, but the Asia Pact had an equal moral share. The research team themselves decided to acquiesce to neither side, and simply started a private firm to administer the drug. Other teams quickly produced similar products. One notable competitor was a Swedish laboratory that provided service on an extremely exclusive basis, but claimed to use a superior treatment.
Jupiter had not yet become a viable location for obtaining hydrogen for fusion power – the ram scoop technology used for procuring it was inefficient and the cost of getting spaceships to Jupiter and back almost outweighed the amount of hydrogen they could carry back. Meanwhile, environmental groups on Earth were calling for a cessation of the practice of oceanmining to obtain hydrogen. While the factories themselves barely polluted, their installation and maintenance required large amounts of ocean traffic, polluting the waters and creating hazards for wildlife. Frederick Haber, a millionaire acting with the support of the Asia Pact, founded the Jovian Hydrogen Refinery, a space station orbiting Jupiter that would extract, refine, and package hydrogen for transport by starships. This more efficient process would be able to cover most of Earth’s hydrogen needs, when finished. The refinery took fifteen years to complete to a minimal operating level, and it was commissioned in 2137; immediately, the FoE passed new laws forbidding the commercial oceanmining of Earth’s waters. Work quickly began on the better-known half of the space station, Jovia City, eight kilometres long and one in diameter. It was finished in twenty-two years, and the workers at the Jovian Hydrogen Refinery were given first citizen status and privileges. In the meantime, the ram scooping of Jovia’s atmosphere had all but stopped, and several small independent refinery stations imitating Jovia were constructed. The Jovian Resource Trade Corporation was founded by Frederick Haber and the FoE in 2150, ostensibly to provide security and minimise competition between hydrogen refineries. In reality, it was a way for the JHR to control the independent stations, continuing its monopoly over the hydrogen trade. The Asia Pact, cheated of their prize by the FoE, quickly snatched a monopoly of space transport capacity.
In 2147, the heightening political tension between the FoE and the NEC was stretched when a bank on the border between France and Germany was set on fire. Espionage, insurgency, and black-ops were frequent, and the FoE was simultaneously trying to keep the Asia Pact from monopolising off-Earth trading. It was at the instigation of the UOES that the heads of all the major bodies met for a conference at Lunar One, marking the first meeting of the Council of Solar States. Additionally present were the ambassador for the EUN and a representative of the JRTC. The treaty signed by all present except the non-government representatives declared the existence of the Council of Solar States as the governing body for all human affairs within the Solar system, and appointed its sub-councils to specific duties. The EUN retained jurisdiction over environmental and humanitarian issues, with only one council as a crossover point.
39  Creative Writing / The Blackboard / The SaC canon on: January 06, 2008, 07:37:42 am
Yes, now is the time. SaC has been rather disorganised for a rather long time, but now I'm getting my act together on the scene-writing front. Sorry I haven't been posting much. The way I'm working doesn't facilitate easy sharing over the net. Basically, I have a handy program (reccomended by Insomniac - thanks!) that lets me organise chapters and scenes. I've outlined the scenes I'm going to write, so I've got the story outlines, and now I'm just filling them in, rather haphazardly, depending on what I feel like writing and which characters take my fancy.

This thread will be an anchor for me, as far as things like characters and technology go. I'll post up my canon for the SaC universe so's you can all have a poke around. Hopefully, this will accomplish two things. First, it will force me to be consistent in my writing. Second, it will allow you guys to read more easily any fragmented scenes or whatnot that I do post up. Please tell me if there's technology or events that are unbelieveable, characters you would hate to read a scene about, etc.

I'll start with my SaC backstory document. Sorry to dump it all over you, but you don't have to read it Roll Eyes

Factions and organisations
40  Creative Writing / Critiques Corner / Re: Hey all, and welcome to this story on: January 06, 2008, 07:19:48 am
Haha, those sigs paid off! Smiley

Anyway, pretty good start to a story. I'm glad you added the little intro in the beginning, because I wouldn't have had much to read for otherwise. Perfect use of tension/suspense to keep me reading. Grammar was pretty much flawless. One or two sentences sounded awkward to me, mainly because of a series of short sentences together, which I dislike. So no problem with your writing, it's just me.
Sorry I can't do any deep sort of analysis, it seems to be early days yet. You might add a little more about the boy, but you already characterise him well with his patience, etc. A question, though - how old is he when all this is happening? That might be something good to add in.
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