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Amanda's Lament (WIP)

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Author Topic: Amanda's Lament (WIP)  (Read 574 times)
Kitsune Tsuki
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Gender: Male
Favorite Genre: Fantasy, Steampunk
Posts: 105

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« on: April 09, 2007, 04:20:11 am »

I only read up to the first part(I'll try to read some more later), and it seems so-so.  My biggest problem is that the sentences are short and you lack adjectives.  Trying combining sentences and go in better description of this.  Also, break up you paragraphs more, using 'enters' between paragraphs.  It's kind of hard to read, seems crunched together, but that may just be me.  It also feels like it jumps around too much, without much transition.

Alas, I don't find this story to be of my tastes.  A love story isn't exactly my speed.

Lastly, how did you find the site?
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In a poll of Columbia\'s grad school of journalism, 57% believe in ESP, 57% in dowsing, 47% in the ability to read a person aura, and 25 believe in the lost continent of Atlantis

To the River Red, across the ochre steppe
A thousand fathers killed,
A thousand virgin daughters spread with swords still wet,
With swords still wet with the blood of their dead

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